Yesterday morning awoke to find that:
1. it was 6:30 in the morning,
2: no human being should be required to wake up at that hour, and
3: i was pretty freaking hungry.
so, i summoned Jenkins to give me my morning piggy back ride to the kitchen and while he was ambling slowly towards my dining area i pondered what i should fill my expansive gullet with. i was feeling very Jewish but also a smidge rebellious that morning, so i decided upon a bagel and a biseleh of bacon. despite Jenkins's protests that his knee replacement surgery was only two days ago, and that he couldn't go any faster i was able to encourage( and by encourage I mean beat mercilessly) him to move a bit faster and we arrived in the kitchen on time. I fed him a sugar cube and sent him to his sleeping mat next to the back door. As I gazed into the icebox i glanced at my watch encrusted with South African blood diamonds, and saw that i only had enough time for a bagel and couldn't possibly cook the bacon AND arrive at my place plebeian employment on time. It was then that god, in my hour of need, smiled down upon me, and showed me the way....in the form of bacon bits. i hastily grabbed the delicious bits and made my preparations for the bagel. I sprinkled the delicious bits upon my Hebrew breakfast and ate. My friends, let me tell you that even if I live to be 100, no breakfast will ever taste as good as that religious contradiction did on that fateful morning. It was easily the best decision i made all month.
